Thursday 03-02-2022 - 10:42

Trigger Warning – this piece contains reference to self-harm and suicide.

 

Thursday 3 February is Time to Talk Day, a campaign run by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness in partnership with Co-op. The idea is to encourage everyone to create supportive communities, sharing about mental health. Everyone has mental health, and through talking about it, we can support ourselves and others.

 

What is mental health?

 

Sometimes we hear people talk about “emotional health”, or “wellbeing” as euphemisms for mental health. This is because often when we hear the phrase “mental health”, we immediately think of the negative. There is so much stigma and misunderstanding surrounding mental health that it becomes a taboo subject we shy away from talking about. Society often refuses to acknowledge “mental health” is not an inherently bad thing, and so has to think of more positive terms to associate with it.

 

Society can have very stereotyped ideas about mental ill health, reinforced by the media linking poor mental health with violence, crime, and severe disabilities. People feel uncomfortable talking about things they do not understand, and often feel negative emotions should be kept private. Some may feel that if they talk about negativity, they are encouraging others to experience these feelings, or perhaps the feelings will be catching.

 

The impact of this reticence and stigmatisation of poor mental health, is that people are discriminated against, or they suffer in silence, which leads to a worsening of their illness. We may become desperate, feeling like there is no one we can talk to or nowhere we can receive help. Often, professional services are stretched; they may not be able to help until one is truly desperate. Sometimes, unfortunately, that is too late.

 

Ignoring the problem will not make it go away.

 

My story

 

I have spent so many years struggling with my mental health. There have been times when I have felt so alone and that no one cared about me, even when I was surrounded by people. I have been so low that I truly believed there was no point in trying to keep myself alive. Facing tomorrow became too difficult and I had only one option left.

 

When I was growing up, I knew I was different to everyone else. At the time, I did not understand exactly why, but I was ostracised for my differences. I was alone, had no friends, and my family home was not a positive environment. I felt so numb that I needed to feel something, so I began self-harming and abusing myself. I hated myself so much that I took it out on my body.

 

Even when my personal life improved, my mental health was still not perfect.  Eventually, I found myself at Edge Hill University, with some great friends and a new family that treated me like one of theirs. Despite this, my mental health was lower than it had ever been. I pushed everyone away from me and I was repeatedly admitted to A&E when I tried to unalive myself. Being alive was just too painful.

 

But those close to me refused to let me succeed. I was truly horrible to my friends and loved ones, but they refused to walk away from me. They stuck by me through all the negativity and now they are there to see the positivity. Now, I smile. I see the value in waking every day, and I am making plans for next week, next month, next year. I am so grateful my loved ones pulled me through some of the worst times of my life.

 

I won’t lie, the past few years have been extremely difficult, and I know I am not alone in feeling this way. The pandemic has been so isolating for everyone, especially when we were in lockdown after lockdown, shielding, seemingly with no end in sight. The pandemic really has had such a negative impact on everyone’s mental health.

 

What can we do to improve things?

Society needs to actively work to destigmatise poor mental health, and the best way we can do that is to talk more about how we are feeling with our friends, our loved ones, and our colleagues. By talking openly about our mental health in general, good and bad, we can send the message out to everyone that it is okay to talk about how we feel. I cannot stress this enough: everyone has mental health. And anyone’s mental health can take a negative turn, at any point in life, even if from the outside, one’s life seems amazing.

 

Talk about your mental health with those around you and encourage them to talk back to you. If you are open and honest about how you are feeling, it makes it easier for those who may be suffering quietly to break their silence. Often, just talking about how we are feeling can make us feel a million times better and shining a light on those dark feelings can make them not seem quite as scary.

 

If someone you know discloses to you that they are struggling with their mental health, take them seriously. Acknowledge what they are saying and validate their feelings: do not ridicule them and don’t make harmful suggestions that they “man up”, “stop being soft”, or “get over it”. It is very rare that someone lies about needing some support with their mental health. Always take them seriously!

 

You do not need to be an expert about mental health to start having these conversations with those around you. Yes, sometimes, the support you can offer a friend will not be enough to help them, and there will be occasions where professionals are needed. But the hope is, that by initiating these open discussions in a safe environment, communities can support each other before mental health needs professional intervention. Not because seeking professional help for mental illness is a bad thing, but because we don’t want our loved ones to be ill in the first place.

 

If a friend, loved one or work colleague needs to seek professional help, perhaps in the form of therapy, medication, or hospitalisation, we still need to be there for them. Knowing you have people who genuinely care about you in and of itself can have a positive impact on one’s mental health, and ultimately, that is what we want to achieve.

 

There are so many ways available to us to begin these conversations, and we shouldn’t have to wait for a certain day to start. But if you need some encouragement, use this Thursday as your catalyst. This Thursday, it is Time to Talk.

 

EHU Community Cafe 

 

Every Monday, I host the EHU Community Cafe. This is a place to meet new friends and get things off your chest in a safe, judgement-free zone. 

 

Come along to M35 on Mondays from 17:00 - 19:00 to meet the family!